apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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