I wish my penis had an off switch
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
