The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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