Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
