someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He kissed a someone with a penis
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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