Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
