Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
