Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
