I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
