hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
