I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
