I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
