honey bunches of taint.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
