he thought i was a dude.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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