just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
