zippers are such a cool invention
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
