hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
operation have a gay friend backfired
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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