Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
