Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
