That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
