Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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