so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
