Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
