Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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