Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
