She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
my liver is dry heaving
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
