Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
