An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
