And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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