Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
