I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
