Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Who died my cat blue again?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
