OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
