I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The best revenge is premature balding
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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