He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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