I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
