someone get that fucking seahorse.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Every concussion has its silver lining
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
