idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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