I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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