my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
