Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
