he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
