She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
