I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
