Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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