My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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