I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
