Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
