I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
