Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
