The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
