anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
