Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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