Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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